


In the dark of his room

by MikazukiMunechika305



Category: Peacemaker Kurogane
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:29:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7686322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikazukiMunechika305/pseuds/MikazukiMunechika305
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hijikata finds out about Souji's illness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the dark of his room

It’s evening already, and Souji is curling up under the blanket of his futon, readying himself for the night, when the door to his room slides open.  
“Souji.”  
Souji immediately sits up, his eyes wide in surprise. “Hijikata-san! What makes you come here at this late time?” he asks, showing an almost honest interest.  
Hijikata just sighs heavily and sits down, lighting his pipe.  
“Aw, come on… you know I don’t like the smell of your pipe, at least not in closed rooms,” Souji pouts playfully. “If you’re going to smoke in here, can’t you at least leave the door open?”  
“…go and do it yourself.” Hijikata doesn’t seem to be in a very good mood today.  
 _He’s probably just worrying too much again_ , Souji shrugs it off like he does with the blanket as he gets up to reopen the door of his room and then sits down behind Hijikata, placing his hands on the vice commander’s neck and starting to massage him gently.  
“Go back to bed, idiot. Your cold will only get worse like this.”  
 _So I was right_. Souji chuckles slightly, brushing aside Hijikata’s long brown hair to get better access to his neck and shoulders. “Don’t worry so much, Hijikata-san… that’s just going to make your forehead wrinklier, and I don’t like that.”  
Hijikata’s head just lowers a little, and although he’s sitting behind him, the younger man knows that he must be frowning.  
“…how are you feeling, Souji?”  
“What are you talking about? I’m fine. I’ve always been.”  
“I…” The vice commander hesitates for a second, as if he wasn’t sure whether he should tell his friend or not. “…talked to a doctor today.”  
Souji tilts his head to the side and raises one eyebrow. “About what?” Of course he knows that exactly, but he thinks playing the unknowing could be better, or at least funnier, than resisting immediately for now.  
“About you. Told him your symptoms and asked him to check on you; he’s gonna do that tomorrow after lunchtime.” Hijikata’s breath catches in a gasp for a moment when Souji presses his fingers into a particularly tense, painful spot and leaves them there long enough for his superior to wonder if this is his revenge for those words he just said.  
The younger puts on an angelic smile. “I don’t need a doctor, Hijikata-san,” he hums, taking his fingers away from that spot finally. “I told you, didn’t I? It’s just a cold, it’ll pass eventually.”  
“You’ve been struggling with that ‘cold’ for the past two weeks now… you haven’t stopped coughing since Ikedaya. It’s more than a cold.”  
“Then it’s a particularly persistent cold…”  
“Souji…” A heavy sigh leaves Hijikata’s lips as his hand slides into his sleeve and takes out a white and red piece of cloth.  
A handkerchief, it probably was white before—no, it _definitely_ was white before; Souji knows it because it is his own handkerchief.  
“Tetsu found this under your futon while cleaning your room yesterday. He brought it to me, asking me if you had suffered from any injuries and explaining that he thought you could’ve been using it as some kind of bandage. I said no, because I know you spent the whole day with others, and even if you had gotten injured and just not told me, at least one of them would have informed me. Then he said that he’d heard you cough quite a lot yesterday, whenever he was around you… Back then at Ikedaya, when you told me that all wasn’t your blood, it was a lie, right?” Hijikata’s voice is tense now, as well as all the muscles Souji has just managed to loosen up a bit.  
Souji lets go of Hijikata’s shoulders and sits down next to him, leaning against him wordlessly. Then he breaks the silence, “Being a vice commander must be hard… you have so many things to worry about.”  
“Yes, and my biggest worry right now is a certain stubborn captain of the first division of my unit. Usually he just pisses me off, but right now he’s also upsetting me pretty much… which also pisses me off.”  
“Meaning, I’m always pissing you off, no matter if I’m making you worry or not,” the blue-haired commander chuckles. “But that’s partially your own fault. If I may tell you about my theory—you’d be less pissed off if you just stopped worrying about me.”  
“Then don’t make me.”  
“I haven’t been coughing today at all. There’s no reason to worry. And about the blood on that handkerchief… I had nosebleeding. I’m totally okay.”  
“Fine. The doctor’s coming tomorrow anyways, and if you don’t show up, I’ll drag you to him personally.”

Souji does show up, voluntarily and without needing to be reminded of it, even.  
Hijikata waits in front of his room during the examination more impatiently than he would ever admit, and when the doctor leaves the room he grabs his arm immediately. “Did you find anything?”  
The doctor looks up to him worriedly. “Okita-san wished to tell you himself…”  
“I order you to tell me now!”  
“A-alright, Hijikata-sama! Please, calm down, though…” The doctor clears his throat. “Okita-san is affected by an illness… an incurable one, it seems.”  
“What?!”  
“He told me he’d been coughing up blood since the incident at Ikedaya two weeks ago—did anyone here know about that?”  
“No. We knew he’d been coughing, but he always told us it just was a cold… this is why I asked you to check on him, after all.” Hijikata lets out a heavy sigh. “That’s what I hate about him—he’s always trying to take care of everything himself. So, what is this illness exactly? Is there any way to… make him suffer less?”  
The doctor chuckles quietly. “I don’t think what they say about you is true, Hijikata-sama… after all, you do seem to care about your friends.”  
“Shut up! I just don’t want to lose my best swordsman. So, what about it?”  
“He’s suffering from… tuberculosis. It’ll kill him eventually… we can’t heal him, but if he rests, he might be able to live longer. Make sure to keep him in bed as much as possible—fighting won’t do him much good,” the doctor advises before bowing briefly. “I’ll be taking my leave now—send for me if his symptoms get worse, okay?”  
With that, he leaves, and Hijikata only nods curtly after him before entering Souji’s room.  
“Hijikata-san!” Souji sounds surprised, just like in the previous evening. “The doctor said I was completely okay. It’s really just a cold.”  
 _You’re lying_ , Hijikata wants to say, but instead he just pulls the door closed and sits down, lighting his pipe and grasping Souji’s wrist tightly when the younger wants to go and open the door again.  
“What is it, Hijikata-san?” Souji asks confusedly, but Hijikata just tightens his hold on his wrist. “You… don’t believe I was lying, do you?” His voice is shaking a little for the first time in an eternity.  
The vice commander lowers his head until his eyes are lying in the shadows of his long, dark hair. “Why?” he asks hoarsely. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”  
A sad chuckle leaves Souji’s lips, he loosens Hijikata’s tight grip and releases his wrist. “The doctor told you, huh… even though I asked him not to.”  
“I’m the vice commander… my orders mean more than yours.”  
“I don’t need anyone to worry about me… I’ll be fine. I coughed a little blood; so what? There are bigger problems than that. I’m not going to die anytime soon.”  
“Don’t talk so recklessly about something that _will_ kill you.”  
“And here’s the reason why I didn’t tell you,” Souji sighs. “I can’t die in bed. If I die, I want to die on the battlefield. That’s why I continued to fight. That’s why I will continue to fight, even now, although you know about my illness. I won’t let it stop me.”  
“Shut up and go to bed, Souji.”  
“I won’t.” Souji’s voice sounds almost friendly, maybe even gentle, but it also shows his resolution. “Didn’t you listen to me? I said I won’t let it stop me.”  
“This is not letting it stop _you_ , it’s you making _it_ stop.”  
“Hijikata-san doesn’t understand at all,” Souji’s voice is quiet now. “And here I thought you, the demon of the Shinsengumi, would understand the child of a demon you created yourself…”  
“Souji…” Hijikata’s voice turns into a low growl briefly, but then he gets up, sighing. “Do what you want. But if it gets worse, you’re the only one to blame. And I’ll personally tie you to your futon when that happens.”  
A smile hushes across Souji’s lips. “Hijikata-san is so strict… well, I can’t really resist then, can I?” The vice commander just rolls his eyes while he turns away to leave the room. “See you at dinner.”

The days pass and Souji barely coughs, at least not in Hijikata’s presence. And then comes the night when Hijikata hears quiet, insecure steps outside his room, followed by a cough and a hoarse voice saying, “Hijikata-san?”  
“Come in,” he orders, his voice as calm and cool as possible.  
Souji remains standing in the doorframe for a moment, smiling down at him and forcing himself to say between his bloody coughs, “You said you wanted to tie me to your futon, so here I am.”  
“I said I wanted to tie you to _your_ futon, not to mine,” Hijikata growls, but he pulls Souji down onto the futon next to him anyways.  
“I’ll get everything bloody,” Souji coughs, the corners of his mouth still lifted.  
“Doesn’t matter…”  
 _…as long as you can hold me close, or what?_ , Souji thinks amusedly, but keeps it to himself as he snuggles closer to Hijikata in the dark of the vice commander’s room, where nobody else can see and hear them.  
Souji’s coughing eventually fades away, as does the pain in this lungs and throat, but Hijikata’s worry doesn’t—even if he doesn’t show it.


End file.
